If You Want Your Love Life to Change, You Have to Do Something Different

 The best dating advice you’ll ever get

The truth is, most people are too immature to want anything real when it comes to relationships. Most people only want drama and to complain and keep doing the same thing and keep getting fucked over and then complain again.

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Most people will never mature, never be self aware, never improve or change themselves for the better. Most people are going to insist the way they’ve been dating works despite the years they’ve been single or the hundreds of relationships they cycle through.

Stop it. Do something different.

It’s going to feel wrong. It’s going to feel uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar. You’ll get used to it. You’re gonna have to change the way you think about yourself and dating as a whole. It’s going to be hard but it’s going to be worth it.

A lot of women want to keep asking men out and paying for dates and meeting them there or even picking them up, calling, texting, hanging on them… or what we used to call THROWING YOURSELF AT HIM.

Oh, is it not working?

Did he take your offer of sex and then never speak to you again?

Did he take you up on all your invites, let you pay, let you initiate and maintain all the contact, let you hand him everything he could ever want and then still not want a relationship with you because he didn’t earn any of that?

Was he not asking you out because he was never interested in you to begin with?

The love I thought I’d won you give for free. — Gin Blossoms

WEIRD. Who saw that coming?

Me. I saw that coming.

And you should, too.

It’s not that you haven’t met the right guy yet, it’s that your method sucks.

Many women think if men can take charge then so can they!

Since when do we want to be men? Why do you want to do MORE work?

How about sit the fuck back and relax and let them come to you? How about being so fabulous and rad and awesome and fun and kick ass that it draws like minded people to you? Like bees to flowers.

FLOWERS DON’T CHASE BEES.

How about you put all that work you want so badly to do to get a guy into YOURSELF and become a better, more awesome, more fully realized person? Because you’re the common denominator in all your relationships.

Keep doing the same things, acting the same way, and being the same person you’ve always been and you’ll keep dating the same lame guys you always have.

You’re the one who needs to change. You’re the only one you have any control over. So seize it. That’s empowering, man. You need to heal yourself. You should WANT to heal yourself.

You want to chase guys because you feel like it gives you control over the situation. It doesn’t work. Bumble exists because women feel like it somehow gives them more control. It doesn’t give you any more control than any other dating app.

You know what gives you control? Delete and block. That give you control. Everywhere.

Unwanted message from a guy? Delete. Next!

Unwanted call from a guy? Block. Next!

Stop giving these cretins any more time or energy than this. It really is that easy. I online dated for 11 years. This is how.

The best dating advice in the world is self-improvement. The secret is out. Mystery solved!

Every single aspect of your life can only get better and more rad by investing the time and energy into elevating yourself.

Admit and accept that you have a shitty attitude about dating, about life, about work, about whatever.

Admit you’re a control freak. Admit you’re insecure. Admit all your flaws and accept them.

You’re a human being! Welcome to the party, pal! Now pop some champagne because you get to change all those things! Woohoo! You get to be who and what and how you want to be.

And if you don’t feel that’s true, then I’ve found the first thing you can work on.

You’re Indiana Jones hunting for treasures, man. That’s exciting! And dangerous! And thrilling! And empowering!

Self-improvement is challenging, fulfilling work. You know that big old void you feel inside? Fill it up with the action of taking control of your life.

You’ve got a warehouse of boxed up treasures inside you to crack open. A new, stellar love life is only one of them.

My shitty attitude about dating was sure as hell keeping me single for 11 years, not the lack of men. My shitty, victim, powerless attitude about LIFE was keeping me unemployed and trapped at my parents house. For years.

I finally got fed up, angry and irritated enough to take action and DO something. Do anything. Prove to myself I had power and wasn’t a victim of my circumstances.

I started a comedy open mic night. That introduced me to a whole new group of friends. I found a great part time job which reintroduced me to money, my old friend. I found a therapist and started the life long work of untangling the ball of yarn that is my issues and my answers.

The void inside me was getting cleaned out and filled up, like a festering wound now healing.

Six months after I started my open mic my boyfriend asked me out. A year and a half later and I’m in the best, most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in.